I Think

I have found my cure. Lately, once I feel sad and fed-up with my real life, I'll think of the things that would make me happy. Think of the happy thoughts. I'll absorb myself into my own fantasy world that I've created by my limited imagination (so basically my mind will be wandering around that boundary, neither that far, nor that wild anyway) as for example; will be indulging myself with the fairy-tales-life of going out with the man of my fantasy (already have a list of his characteristics but always meet a failure when it comes to describing how he looks like in detail. I fancy _______ people anyway. Is it wrong to have a fantasy? But girls can always dream as all said. A thing to ponder, hmm.) ; of the nicest treatment that I should be getting; of being rained by gifts that I like by winning a competition or so; of anything that I simply know (but hard to admit) that I am not be getting in the real life of mine. So, that's the cure, basically. By that mean, I can leave all the shit(s) for a moment or two. And throw myself into a favored situation or turn myself into a person (or whatever I like) with important roles to handle. Bukan watak pipih la kiranya, hanya watak utama sahaja. I don't know if it's normal or not and I don't give it a damn. (tapi sebenarnya tiba-tiba rasa macam diri sendiri ada split personality. aiyaiyai.) Like as for now, I am imagining yet assuming myself as a successful writer cum editor (like lalola. pengaruh tv kuat sangat ni.) then change into a billionaire (like Donald Trumph that not only I could buy myself a Mercedes; I could buy the whole world indeed, hutang PTPTN tu apalah sangat kan.) or a princess (in the white gown and the glass shoes)? In my dreams. And dream on. I know. I know. Saja mengada. Oh come on people, just give me a break, will you?

[psstt psstt. sekali ada orang tu baca. eh orang-orang. pastu kena sound seketul pulak. tak,,beberapa ketul sebenarnya. dah gabung semua jadilah cemni. "cubalah mengaji ke,,berzikir ke,,semayang sunat ke." errr *buat tangan macam nasyid sekarang* InsyaAllah,,akan cuba diusahakan : terima kasih ye kamu-kamu.]

I Should

have known from the very start that I should not add strangers into my messenger list and should forbid myself from entertaining strangers by all means. Sekarang boleh kata padan muka kepada diri sendiri bila mendapat message yang merimaskan dan menyusahkan diri sendiri. Kawan-kawan rapat pun tidak busy body begitu. Oh tolonglah. I thought of making more and more friends, that's all.

[p/s: can't wait for Terminator Salvation to come out. and am looking forward for the first movie trip ever if the offer is still on.]

If I Could

turn back time, I would like to be sixteen again. I am not going to get myself involve in puppy love because those are all craps. (my ex keeps on viewing my profile from time to time. motif apakah pun tidak tahu. not going to talk about him here anyway. wish him happiness all the way.) I am not going to get myself wasted. I would not have to spare myself for the terrible pain of break-up. (Well, who has not anyway, right? But of course it's such a big waste when you're only seventeen when your main focus should be put on studies. But it taught me to be stronger somehow. Should be grateful for the bitter-sweet memories. Note: Would like to clarify on one thing here. I won the cross-country when I was in form four not because of him as all thought it was, but it was because of the secret formula that Hannan and I had invented that time. But Hannan, I think we should revise the formula because the technique actually works the other way around. Beside the formula, we might had won definitely because of the all-out effort that we'd put, to constantly run that day.) I would stay in that good class with good people to study in (not that my classmates were all bad but some of them were. Ouch.) Will get good result, way better than what I got, and fly myself abroad. Meet wonderful people overseas and end up being what I wanted all these while. Comes the reunion, I will not have a single doubt to join the crowd and teachers will be proud of me, being part of the excellence. But it's too late now. I am all messed up. I fucked everything up. Tahniah kepada diri sendiri. I should have listened to mommy. ---This is my biggest regret among my other regrets---

But come to think of it, I should be grateful somehow. At least I did not end up wandering at the streets. At least not for now la. And perhaps this is the best for me. Who knows, right? Semua orang kata "You should make the best of what you have." I'll try OK, I'll try.

I Don't Believe It Makes Me Real

Have problem with my computer. It's gone senile, or crazy, or so I think (just like its master. biasalah, ikut tuan. hoh.) Will be posting the pictures later. Meanwhile, feeling like life has got no meaning, because was doing nothing except eating and sleeping besides online-ing. Got mommy and daddy accompanied to wedding sometimes, by free will. Thought of going out for movies and fun but friends were not available. Some have gone out datings, some went for weddings. Mimi was busy studying I bet, it's been a while since we last chatted. Should pick up a few books and read perhaps. A blogger friend suggested that I should be blogging more often. I feel like too but sometimes have got hesitations. I don't know why am I acting this weird. Is it normal? Is everyone like me? Is it OK for me to share personal details in here without getting people talking bad behind my back? Maybe I should keep an online diary, anonymously. Well, maybe. Kind of cool, don't you think so? Having a secret identity, telling of the secret life of yours. Told mommy of my plan if I never get married. She said the idea is not cool. Boo. Met my senior from school yesterday. She came down here to my house. Have not met her for like seven years. Finished her master and will be pursuing phD soon. Brilliant her. Congratulations, sister! I reserved myself to be the bridesmaid when she gets married. Should stop by now. Need to feed the cats. Pity them, have got no master, they go wandering behind my house all the time. Feeding them is my new hobby. I'm no so into cats but they are all cute and so manja. Will come to me and gosok-gosok kepala mereka di kaki saya sampai saya gelak sorang-sorang sebab geli. (Sekali dengar adik-adik semua ingatkan saya gila sebab gelak sorang-sorang di dapur. Mereka yang gila sebenarnya. Hoh.) But the cats are naughty too. Will take advantage while we are not looking. Caught red-handed by me once akibat mencuba untuk menangkap hamster adik. Should be wary somehow. Hmm.

Randomness

Hi everyone. Oh, where should I start? I have not updated for almost a month! My God! The exams are finally over, and the holiday is on officially for like twelve days or so now. I have nothing much to say here (Yelah tu. Tetiba kang dah panjang berjela.) Well, I do have like a lot of things to tell but I simply put a hold on everything. (Why-oh-why?) I myself don’t know why. Now are you convinced that my head needs a diagnosis? I simply lose interest over things (Oh No, not again!) And I have been sleeping for more than I should. Initially I was thinking to share of my adult-to-adult talk with my best cousin here but I am such a blast procrastinator. Next, I thought of telling my little chat with my brother but again I put a wait on it. Then, I wished to make an entry on teacher’s day and still, I did not make it. The latest one is my thought of sharing the family day that we had last weekend and this attempt was a failure too. Praise for me. Hoh. So now, are you ready to start the rant?

1. My cousin said that I should not worry too much about my future; the career to be precise. Said that I can try whatever I like and choose later. My brother said I should start thinking about it now. Kena sebijik “hotak kau” because the last time he asked me “Kau nak jadi apa kak?” and I replied “Ntah.” I told this someone that I may want to try to work with a hotel but that someone does not like the idea. Said that I’d better be a teacher.
2. Terasa begitu tersentuh sekali menonton dokumentari hari guru; (ayat puitis) to realize the fact that teachers had sacrifice a lot of things (of their time, of their money, of their energy) for creating successful students academically and morally. Hope it is not too late to wish all the teachers all over the world “Happy Teacher’s Day.” Terima kasih cikgu. (I have started to get the wishes too. Surprisingly from a few lecturers. Wow.)
3. I feel like seventeen when a nineteen years old boy asks my hand for marriage. Kidding. Feel like a sugar mommy because he’s too young for me, but still am impressed that he has the courage to ask and approach. Love at the first sight as he said. Comel lah kamu adik! (Yes, he’s so cute, no kidding.) Too bad that you’re nineteen. If you’re twenty-five, I might consider. Hehs. Kidding. Habis tu “My Perfect Match” macam mana? He’s a growing addiction that I can’t deny. OK, gedik! *malumalumalu*
4. I can’t bear with the fact that I have been indulging myself with too great a dose of sleep for almost like everyday! Yes, the fact is killing me, I do live in guilt for not helping mommy doing house chores (But still not changing yet. Planning to start a new schedule by Monday. Hopefully. Wish me luck.)
5. I get sun burnt. (And my heart is burning too; with fire red but now it's turning blue. OK tipu.) I am tanned now. No, it’s black. No, I mean I am having a darker tone now. My skin is exfoliating; the pimples are suddenly popping up. And my skin turned red. Dark tone and reddish and exfoliating with pimples growing every where on it and they are painful. Perfect! (Hasil daripada berkelah di pantai yang indah bersama keluarga semasa hari keluarga.)
6. Saya benci iklan ambank. Yang ini. Saya benci husband dia. Sebab dia buat expression macam to have a baby is somewhat stressful and it's such a burden because he has to spend his money on his baby. Excuse me. If that so, why does he get married on the first place? Sungguh emo setiap kali menonton iklan ini. I am grateful that my mommy and daddy do not think it that way. I found this book hidden inside the cupboard while tidying. They were waiting for my existence to this world. I felt so much loved upon this revelation. Terima kasih abah dan emak.

I think I should sleep by now. It's four in the morning. So sleepy. I'll put the picture of that family day and the book as well tomorrow, the first thing in the morning once I wake up OK ;) Good Night, everyone. Sleep tight.

Untuk Ibu

Selamat Hari Ibu. In advance :D
Just want to share a video here which I think is interesting. My lecturer showed it to us once in the classroom and suddenly teringat pula. Mari mari ;)