Examination Fever

To have a sneak peek at the question makes my heart pounds faster. Once we are allowed to go through the questions, I am already dead. I don’t know how to answer question number six which carries six marks. This means that I have ruined my chance to get an A for the paper. And not getting an A will bring a bad consequence in later days. OK, I need tranquilizer and for that I am leaving for a secret vacation [that I will be telling my parents only when I get back here. Oh, I have a few list of destinations which I have not decided yet. I wish I could go abroad. OK, dream on, I know.] Oh people, just miss me when I am gone. Hiks. And please people; do not get paranoia since I will be indulging myself in a right way of being not to go beyond it. So I will catch up with you guys later. I have like a lot of things to write in here but since I am just too lazy to carry my little nyawa ini here and there, I will just leave it at home. Plus, to get the connection there will require me to borrow it from my friend. To borrow things from people is very not like me. Furthermore from people whom I am not-that-close to. I do not mind people to borrow my things, seriously I do not really mind sharing my belongings [except for cinta hati, remember?] but I am quite embarrassed to borrow other people’s belongings. I will be borrowing if there is a real need of doing so. I do not know why. OK, I better get going. Take care of you.

Oh Good Bye Makes Me Crazy

Today is like the saddest day of my life. It’s like it’s the end of the world. Sungguh Hari Kesedihan. *nangesgulingguling* What would you feel if someone you treasure is leaving and you don’t know when you are going to see the person again? Oh, good bye makes me crazy! I always have to bear in mind that “This isn’t good bye. I’m going to see them again, absolutely. It’s just the matter of time, which I don’t know when, but I am still going to meet them again.” It happens to me every time, when every one I treasure in life is going away. I can’t help it. Oh, I'm so lonesome I could die by now. My god, I hate to feel this way.

Tag

I’ve been tagged by Qasiyh. Thanks to you, adik. The rules:

# Link to your tagger and post these rules on your blog.
# Share 7 facts about yourself on your blog; some random, some weird.
# Tag 7 people at the end of your post by leaving their names as well as links to their blogs.
# Let them know they are tagged by leaving a comment on their blog.

Question:
# Share 7 facts about yourself; some random, some weird.

So here are seven random facts about me.


1. I hate cockroaches. I have the ability to sense the existence of cockroaches. Yucks, they stink! Believe me, I am capable. I will have post-traumatic syndrome once I see them too. I will be extraordinary alert and will assume everything is possible to be cockroaches. For example, once I see a cockroach and it manages to run away, I will be paranoid, I will assume anything that passes or touches me as cockroach even if it’s my own shirt or blanket that I touch, and it will stay that way, for the whole night. Saya juga pernah beberapa kali tercedera akibat melarikan diri dari lipas. Mau tengok gambar kecederaan saya? So, if ever I tell you that I hate you more than I hate cockroaches, then I really hate you. If I say I hate you, I may not hate you. Saya memang emo kadang-kadang. OK, selalu sebenarnya. Oh Oh Oh.

2. I have dreams come true. Dreams here refer to mental illusion of images, thoughts or anything that passes through your mind while you sleep. And yes, my dreams come true. One of it was when I once escaped my morning macro counseling class because I wanted to have an extra time for my beautiful sleep. In that dream, there appears my lecturer and she smiles to me and she says “Syaira, kenapa tak datang kelas? Tidur ye?” And you know what, that afternoon I went for the afternoon session and there my lecturer happens to say exactly the same line to me, with the same facial expression and the same attire. Takut tak? I used to get to know my examination results a day earlier, of course through my dreams too. Seriously, I am not telling lie. Kerana itulah saya amat obsess dengan mimpi. Saya memang paranoid.

3. You just cannot imagine how I treasure things. I have a pair of scissors; red in color, (note: I can tolerate with any color except blue because I always feel I look dull in blue. Sorry, blue.) the one that my mother bought me when I was in standard four and should I add it is still functioning well up to this moment. My mechanical pencil that I am keeping with me is six years old now. So does my pencil case. And a lot more things. I keep my friends well too, I bet. I treasure cinta hati saya sepenuh hati juga (let's just imagine if I consider someone as cinta hati, whom I would give all the love in the world to, tiba-tiba cinta hati itu turn out not to love me as I do, and as he should. Tentu saya akan mati. Oh, naivenya saya! Oleh itu, saya rasa mungkin saya tidak patut bercinta. Makanya, mungkin saya tidak akan berkahwin juga. Tentu mak saya akan menjadi paranoid kalau dia terbaca entri ini. Saya harap abah dan emak tidak akan pernah terjumpa blog ini, amin.) I have an extraordinary sentimental value within me. I don’t mind sharing my belongings with people but it must be with my permission and with great care of it. However this is not applicable untuk cinta hati saya OK. It will never be OK to share someone you love. No No No No No.

4. I have a weird ambition, that is to witness miracles and it happened. (Biasalah, pengaruh filem memang hebat ke atas diri saya.) Then I moved beyond, I keep this ambition with me, which is to have miracles in life but I never get the chance to. Not even once. It’s like the more you believe it will happen, the more it goes away from you. Hidup saya sangat kasihan kan?

5. Apa yang saya cakap kadang-kadang tidak parallel dengan apa yang saya rasa. Contohnya bila saya kata “Oh, it’s OK. It’s not a big deal, anyway.” Mungkin sebenarnya it’s quite a big deal to me. You should be able to read between the lines. I always pick my lines because I care of what you might feel. Tapi perasaan saya juga yang sering terabai. Saya sangat kasihan kan?

6. Saya selalu bermonolog. Bercakap seorang diri to be precise. Senyap-senyap, oh sudah tentulah. Berangan untuk bercakap tentang perkara yang tidak mampu saya cakapkan kepada seseorang pun ye jugak. Sekali terkantoi dengan adik pula. Malunya! Tapi saya pura-pura tak kisah. Pandai saya berlakon kan? Saya juga ada banyak angan-angan in which 99 percent of it will never come true. I just knew it. Saya sudah penat menjadi seorang yang optimis. Maybe the time has come for me to be realistic. I am learning to let go. To leave all the angan-angan behind me. I think I should. (Betul tak, Amalina?)

7. I hate broken promises. Once you have said something to me, I consider it as a promise. I hate to plan things because I will stick closely to the plan jadi apabila plan itu tidak menjadi, saya akan tidak dapat menerima kenyataan dan akan beremosi sepanjang hari. Saya juga bercadang untuk kurangkan menonton kisah cinta because they are just too good to be true, and once I watch those kind of movies, I will start to fantasize that-too-good-to-be-true things will come true lepastu benda-benda seperti itu memang sedikit pun tidak menjadi kenyataan, at least not to me, jadi saya akan menjadi sangat emo sampaikan makan pun tiada selera dan boleh jadi menangis juga kadang-kadang. Tidak cerdik kan?

In conclusion, saya memang seorang yang paranoid, saya obsess, saya extreme, saya penuh perasaan. Saya juga tidak cerdik kadang-kadang. So stop giving me harapan palsu kerana saya memang akan percaya lepastu saya yang akan penat dan emo sendiri. OK, saya tahu saya memang naïve. Kan saya dah kata awal-awal lagi tadi. Saya juga memang emo. Oh oh oh. Jadi sebelum saya menjadi lebih emo, saya nak tag:

Zafwan, Carode, Naza, Rain, Zaza, Aimi and Ed. (kalau maklang and paklong ada masa pun boleh jawab juga.)

Cerita Warna-warni

I’ve had a long chat with my girlfriends just now. We talked about life, about women, about men as well, of studies, of the things we are engaging ourselves with and a lot more. One of the stories that captured my attention was on a pair of pens. A blue inked pen and a red inked one. Those were given to my friend when she was in form five. She said that she could not catch the meaning behind but only now when she is twenty one years old, she could grasp the hidden meaning. Have you ever heard of “Pen merah, Pen biru, You marah, I love You”? There’s another version of it that I get to know today. It’s “Pen Merah, Pen Biru, Jangan marah, I love You”. That’s the rationale of the boy to give my friend both red inked and blue inked pens; to express his feeling towards my friend. She showed to me the pens. I was laughing and rolling on the floor. Comel sungguh! Kesian juga kat budak lelaki tu. Mesti masa tu dia mengharapkan jawapan, tapi my friend ni tak faham pula. Amalina oh Amalina (sorry that now your secret is not a secret anymore.) Another story that I think would touch any heart was about a guy who was about to propose his girlfriend. He brought the girlfriend a Secret Recipe cake with “WOULD YOU BE MINE, PLEASE?” on it. So sweet. If ever a person bring it to me, tentulah saya akan terbang melayang selama seminggu. Oh Oh Oh. Cerita kawan saya di propose untuk menjadi tunangan oleh teman sepusat memandu pun ada juga. Macam-macam lah kawan-kawan ni. My friend asked my opinion of the proposal; should she accept it or not. She did not recognize the guy at all but that guy was putting a lot of effort to get to my friend’s details, he's been searching her for three years until yesterday that he proposed my friend.

Well, to me, if you feel that he’s the one, why not? But before you decide, you should take a lot of things into consideration. Of the personality, because he’s the one you are going to live with for the rest of your life, so you ought to take that into account. That’s the most important thing to me because as I have said before, good personality works with me. If he has the supermodel look, then it’s bonus for you to have him. Career is an important aspect too. You cannot live with merely love. Tidak perlulah dia seorang jutawan, tapi tidak boleh juga kalau tiada kerjaya yang menjamin masa depan. Tak gitu? To me, we should find someone who is responsible, someone who would appreciate us, the one that would be able to understand the way we are and tolerate with it, that kind of thing, you know and I always believe that it’s easier to be loved rather than to love. And most of us agree with it, as the matter of fact.

Teringat pula cerita kawan saya yang di propose di tengah-tengah KLCC dulu. Wah, macam dalam drama pula saya rasa. Hehs. Saya ceritakan kepada mak saya, terus dia mencebik. Mak saya bukanlah seorang yang romantic macam tu. Tapi saya cuba bayangkan juga kalau tiba-tiba abah saya bawa mak saya ke KLCC dan bagi dia bunga di khalayak ramai, tentulah mak saya pun cair kan? Hahaha. Haisyy. Macam-macamlah dunia ni. Belum cerita lagi yang buat surprise birthday party. Untunglah bagi orang yang dah jumpa cinta sejati mereka. Tahniah buat Rain yang sedang berbahagia sekarang ni. (sempat saya pinjam bunga Rain untuk bergambar bersama. TQ Rain. LOL.) Haisyy, ulang-ulang cerita pasal cinta sajek. Marilah cerita tentang perkara lain pula.

This Sunday, I will be having an assessment on Apresiasi Sastera. We have decided that we are going to sing. For that I am looking forward. Saya suka menyanyi beramai-ramai. Biarlah tak merdu pun. We have not decided on what song and what poem will we be singing but I am looking forward for it. It’s like escapism to me though I don’t like the poems’ selection that we ought to choose and present it the way we like it to be. To work on things that we like after a long day is real fun. I love making friends too and I cannot live without my friends. In that class I get to know different people. Though the content is quite boring, but the exposure we get (a great opportunity to be exposed to the main campus buildings and the people too) worth the effort we are putting to get ourselves there. The pleasure. my-oh-my.

The above paragraph is a complete lie. (Except for the fact that I love making friends and the content is actually super duper boring.) Seriously. I hate to go to class on weekends OK. Then we are to have a test on the puisi-puisi yang I-don't-even-have-a-glance-at and the puisi-puisi that I-don't-even-have-an-idea-of-what-they-are-all-about pulak. Haisyy. I regret myself that I chose a completely wrong course that now I have to face all the consequences. Silly me. You know what, I almost caught into a fight with a guy yesterday, at the kopitiam, somewhere around here. (I have tried my best not to create a scene but he went beyond my limit.) He’s my team mate and he’s being bossy. He acted as if he did the entire job neglecting the fact that he did perfectly nothing. Yes. Nothing at all. Blahla mamat. Bajet best lah kamu! Ingat kamu pernah lawan komander dulu, saya takutlah dengan kamu? Ingat kamu lelaki tua kamu boleh buat sesuka hati lah? Ingat saya perempuan saya tak beranilah nak lawan kamu? Bolehnya dia kata “Hey, kan I dah bagi You questions ni tiga hari lepas? Kenapa tak revise?” dengan muka yang gila annoying OK. Hello, dua hari je OK. And I replied “ Excuse me, I have gone through all the questions and I think there’s nothing wrong with the questions. And why don’t you revise it yourself? Why must I revise?” dengan muka yang tidak kurang annoying sambil mata saya memandang tepat ke dalam matanya. Berani tak? Sebenarnya saya adalah rasa cuak, sikit jek tapinya OK, orang panas baran begitu bukannya boleh dijangka. Buatnya dia bagi penampar sekali, tak ke naya? Tapi kalo kena penampar, confirm saya saman dia 50juta. Serius tak tipu. (and that was the last time I look straightly into his eyes. Selepas-selepas itu saya tidak sedikit pun memandang ke arahnya lagi. Menyampah tahu?) Padanlah tu, api lawan api. Mendidih pula darah saya. Maybe because it’s the time of the month juga kot (if only you know what I mean.) What makes me real angry is that he throws the words to me in front of the people we interview, which I think, is very rude. Plus he’s not the one who created the questions. My other friend in our whole big group did that. Lepastu nak kecoh pulak. Ewah. I did the interview. Yuyu worked on finding the interviewee and she did the note-taking too. We both arranged everything. I have absolutely no problem with another guy in my team, he's cool. Sempoi. They did the photo-taking and recording. This cool guy was handling the main camera. What that mamat kecoh did was recording the interview session using his phone. Even if he’s not there, we still can handle the session. Lepas tu nak kecoh ala-ala project manager. Rasa macam nak lesing jek sekali. OK, saya memang emo. So what? We are on a project of Career Counseling. (I don’t want to write on this project. We have decided not to talk of it anymore; seriously it’s not our fault that we have to delay it up to this time where we nearly reach the end of the semester and to replace the project with two interviews on blue color job as well as white color job. We initially were assigned to organize an event with career talk in it. We did the proposals, we arranged the time, we did everything, and in fact we have three proposals which mean we have enough back up plans if the first project is rejected but because of the lecturer… OK, I seriously don’t want to write any of it. I don’t want to write sins here.)

And now I heard that I have to go to class on Saturday too. A replacement class. Initially it was cancelled due to I-don’t-know-why. We should have the class on Wednesday morning but it was cancelled. Then she decided to make it on Friday evening, then again it was cancelled. The same thing went to the Career Counseling class. Oh apakah? Next week should be the last week of class before we have our study leave and then comes the final exams. But I don’t think that we could make it in a week of time since we have a lot more things to cover. I adore my lecturers like Dr. Joanne, Assoc. Prof. Hajah Zaiton, Dr. Helen and my third language lecturer (let's give a big applause to them and together we pray that they will be promoted.) since they stick to the schedule and now we can breathe as we have finished all the topics together with the assignments and tests. Sincerely I think I will not be going to some of the replacement classes ( though I know it’s unfair for my friends were present when I present my teaching but I totally hate to go to class other than the time I should, remember? Sorry kawan-kawan.) I do not favor lecturer who does not stick to the schedule and scheme of work. But what can we students do to point it out? The only way we can express the dissatisfaction is through the evaluation form that we have to fill in; it’s of the condition of the classroom and also of the performance of the respective lecturer. I don’t know whether it’s appropriate to fight for it as I was taught to respect the teachers. But the teachers too should be ethical to be respected, I think. Baiklah, saya memang banyak komplen.

Lonesome

Today I have just realized that I am a whole lonesome. I don't have any shoulder to cry on, I cry all by myself. I don't have any companion when I am real in need of them, I go all by my own. The day-outs, the coffee-break sessions are filled by me, all alone. I don't have someone to fetch me like all my friend do, I travel all along by myself. If I am in danger, nobody saves me, I have to save myself. I don't even have a friend to talk to, I keep all my burden with me. The world revolves around me would only be all me by myself. Rasa seperti mahu mati sekarang juga. Pathetic me. OK, I feel like crying now. Damn.

My Teaching

For the first three days of hari raya, I neglected all my assignments and pretended that I have not gotten any to care of. I don’t even bother to have a look at them. I just wanted to enjoy my raya days to the fullest. As the result of being such a great procrastinator, I did not sleep in order to finish up my lesson plan and I have presented it in class just now. I was the first presenter ever because my friend whom suppose to present on listening was absent (we are supposed to start with teaching listening first followed by teaching speaking) so I became the lucky number one. My God! I was nervous like hell but it’s so weird that I was not shaking like always (but I guess the whole class could tell that I was nervous because my face turned pale the moment I spoke up. Blush, I couldn’t help myself. I think I should start wearing lipstick whenever I need to do the teaching. Hehs.) Luckily I have not mispronounced my words (this is my biggest fear. I always worry if the things I have planned to say do not come out like what it should be, because it happened once during my foundation year then I will be embarrassed and my face will turn red and the whole world will know that something went wrong with me. It's out of my control, I swear. If I can ever take control of that, it will be great. Anybody knows how to overcome it? Would you please share with me? Thank you) and it turned out to be just an average I must say. But to be the first gave me advantage (of course the disadvantage too that I do not wish to mention it, I am becoming a whole optimistic here) that the whole class was paying their full attention so I did not encounter with so much problems in terms of capturing the attention but I am quite embarrassed to get a full attention from the whole class, I am a 50 percent introvert kind of person but I am pushing myself to be an extrovert now. So to cope with such attention may require me some time to enable me to make an adjustment to that. And to be called a “teacher” is quite a pressure to me. That title comes together with a big responsibility (however not with a big amount of salary. Why? I wonder) that is not easy to carry where everybody is putting the hope on you. As a teacher too, you ought to behave all the time since you are the role model of your students. Enough saying, I don’t want to pressure myself now. Let’s pretend that I am OK with that fact.

Once I finished with my teaching, I got a note from a member of my class but I have no idea where on earth the note came from. I have uploaded the note on top of this post (because I don't know how to move it to the bottom or to the middle part of the post. Silly me. Blush.) if and only if you wish to have a look at it. I take it as a compliment. So sweet. (though I know I did it not-that-perfect but it was not-that-bad though and I guess that person just wanted to cheer me up.) To the writer of the note, I would like to say thank you. I really appreciate your effort to send me that tiny little thing. Though it's just a piece of paper, you have really made my day. (and you should know how I treasure things. I have this super-extra sentimental values within me that lately I have become super sensitive out of I-don't-know-why. I feel like I am no longer flexible, but I will try to be one back, very soon. I don't want to feel like a loser anymore. Now I went off the topic. I should not mention it here. Today is supposed to be my day. Haisyy. ) So tonight I can sleep and rest peacefully. I feel good and relief that I have completed like three-quarter of my assignments. I am now left with my third language assessments, my mock meeting, and my creative project together with my PTE project. Thank God.

My Days

Hi people,

It seems like quite a long time I have not written anything in here. To Qasiyh, thank you for tagging me. I will post it once I have done with my individual oral test within this week. So now I would like to write on my Hari Raya celebration as well as my Micro Teaching for Listening and Speaking, but I will make it into two different posts. Before I proceed, I hope it’s not too late to wish all of you my dear readers a Happy Hari Raya. I would like to apologize for all my wrong deeds. You are all invited to come to my house but please do call me first just to ensure that I’m home.

OK, my raya was not-that-bad. Though I don’t have any new outfit, it went well I should say. I mixed and matched to make it presentable and it turned out to be just-fine. It does not really matter to me now. What is more important about raya to me is that we can gather the families and sit down together and apologize to one another and share the whole story to catch up with each other. The gossip session will always be my favorite. This time it was made into a balanced session where we have gossips from all over the world, starting from the teasing among the family members (we made it into a funny way in which I think no one was offended by all the jokes, if any did, that person was just being sensitive because as far as I am concerned, the families were not saying anything bad about one another, it’s just that the havoc that they made and you should know how Malaccans are to be like and I bet everyone in the family is able to tolerate the language we are using. hehs) the gossips of the artists within Malaysia and worldwide (in which they have absolutely nothing to do with us, we were just being nosy, hehs) up to the stories of the prophets as the closing and a little bit of religious stuff. So I conclude that my big family is an all-rounded that we can always discuss on matters arising regardless of anything. I seriously mean anything. And I am glad that I was born in such a family that we always treasure this precious relationship that we are having.

So now I will write on the things that I did during Hari Raya accordingly.

A day before Raya:
We cooked lemang, ketupat, rendang, and this year my father added up another menu in the list that is nasi beriani. I took part in cleaning the vegetables (buangkan ekor taugeh, dua plastik besar OK, just to develop a sense of belonging to the kitchen) and blending the chillies, the onions and the spices (under my mother's supervision of course. It's such a shame for a 22-year-old-lady not to master the housechores, I have to admit that, but I am quite a fast learner you know, gegege) for buka puasa that night. After berbuka, I followed my mother and aunties for coffee and it was on Mak Uda, like always. Once we have finished with the coffee-break, the whole family did the recitation of takbir raya and the tahlil for our beloved late grandfather. Then the ladies continued with the cooking of nasi beriani (I was told that my mother and the aunties slept at 5 in the morning. Of course that nasi beriani was marvelous. Thank you mak and auntie semua and abah and uncles to make it into realization.)

1st day Raya:
We went to the mosque to perform the Raya prayer and together to the cemetery. Once we reached home, we dined together and the salam-salam session took place. Then we gathered for a family portrait (Above pictures are the family portraits I meant.) We then headed to the neighbors’ place and the relatives'. That night we had our gossip session. It was fun, really.

2nd day Raya:
We went for a family gathering as always where our annual sponsor ; Mak Uda and Pak Uda who initially came out with this idea a few years back that we will be having an annual gathering and will be dining in somewhere together on the second or third day of hari raya. This year we had it at the Holiday Inn, Malacca. It was happening. The beautiful scenery, the delicious food, the fantastic family completed my day. We took pictures together there too but I have not gotten the copy yet. I will be posting it once I get it, insyaAllah. That night we went to Mak Lang’s and Pak Lang’s house for again a gathering as well as the recitation of Yasin and tahlil for our beloved late grandfather. The makan-makan was marvelous. My cousin and I were enjoying Mak Lang’s cooking to the fullest. Thank you Mak Lang and Pak Lang and Abang Alum juga.

3rd day Raya:
I went off to my grandparents’ house on my mother’s side. There, it was a plain raya that my grandmother is sick that we could not make so much noise. Furthermore, my relatives were not there, all of them, so I did not get the chance to meet any of them as for they were away for their other commitment. I had only met my two cousins together with my grandparents. It’s so sad to see my grandmother who used to be cheerful and fun-to-be-with (seriously because she used to be talkative and I’d really love to listen to all her stories) now just laid on the bad. She had gone senile too that she turned to be childish. I went back to my hometown on 5th day Raya morning and went back to my place that night and was stuck in traffic jam hence I reached home almost midnight. No choice, it's hari raya.