At Least Not Today

Welcome me, hell. So at the age of twenty-two, I’ve been turned into an orphan. Practically, anyway. My father has gone for work and my mother was just too busy taking care of my sick granny at her hometown. And my other siblings were out with their own agenda. Like I fucking care. I swear I’d rather be at my rent house, taking care of myself and my own stuff rather than being locked up here at home and get that “shitness” (is there such word? If there isn't any, let it be just shit then.) back in return to what I did, from laundering to cooking, you name it, to all the sacrifice I have made just to take care of the siblings. What would you feel if your youngest sibling throws words (that I consider myself rude) that you by any way could not tolerate instead of “Thank you” to you? (Well as Malacca citizen, swearing is never a big deal anyway, but when it comes from people you are least expected to hear, it counts. Especially from one who is less superior to you. It does matter, really.) I feel like slapping her tight, right on the face but was somehow managed to calm down and absorbed myself with the book I was reading. And I swear I would never care of what might happen to her anymore. I swear. Well, at least not today.

When I read back my happy post, it was such a lame entry. Too boring. And I didn’t like it. I even thought of deleting it but to recall back on how much effort I was putting on arranging the pictures on top of it, I am afraid that I have to make it stay. To a novice person like me, it is quite something to have done such a wonderful work. Now that I am all alone at home, I thought of working on the tag games that I am left with but my mood has ruined. But still, I will try to work on it tonight. It’s hard to get myself online because we have to take turn on the usage of the internet because we are still using cable down here. My father bought the router like thousand years ago; it’s just that my brother was such a tremendous procrastinator who seems to procrastinate on setting the things up so we are left with this lousy-wired connection and the siblings are giving me hard times when I really wanted to get myself online. (Hey, I have my own agenda too, here in the virtual world, for me to do the things I was doing on daily basis, for like almost every minute of my every day.) The timetable they are having sounds perfectly ridiculous. And I don’t even know where to butt in since it seems to be fully occupied for twenty-four hours of every day. (They have it fixed.) Double shit.

[note: The second time I read through this post, I had moral qualms about posting of my little-quarrel with the sister and just can't help myself from getting the feeling like a complete idiot, for bringing it up here, a sister-from-hell kind of feeling, you know. And the thought of being one is terrible. But I need to let my feelings out too. I am only human. I hope you don't get me wrong. I do love my sister, of course, and my brothers too, but sometimes I just can't avoid the scene from happening, that's it all. We will get through it by morning, I am pretty sure because I am always at a failure of holding it on for long since I hate the suffering that I have to go through for getting mad at people, at almost all occasion.]