Of You. Of Me.

Hello ladies and gentlemen. I hope it's not too late to wish everyone a very happy new year (1431H.) All of sudden I feel nostalgic and guilty and happy at once. To reflect back of all my deeds this year, I must say that I should apologize to this someone whom the heart was broken. I am sorry for everything that I have done to you. There's nothing wrong with you, it's not you, it's all me that I have decided on which path I am going to take, which life I am going to live, with whom I am going to spend my whole life with (if God wills) and too bad Andres, it's not you. I am deeply sorry for that. I wish we still can be friend. I'd love to have a very good friend like you. On the other hand, I am terribly happy that my life now is perfectly perfect that I have people who love me all around me. And it feels so good that I would not even care of anything else because I know I am going to have supportive people to get me through if ever I hit the ground, I could not care less of whatever disaster that may come across my way.

Ok, let's get down to my core business here that is to reveal (what? reveal? pardon me, my choice of words today is getting poorer. sometimes I think I've lost my sense.) a little bit of my activities that filled my holiday (which will end pretty soon, my god!) and I think pictures may help me do the talking.

OK, these above pictures were taken when mommy, daddy, my lil sister and I roasted the catfish at granny's place (tepi stor, port memasak ketupat rendang dan juga lemang time raya) The first picture is of course of my mommy and daddy and the second one is the not-yet-roasted-catfish. It's finger licking good, I tell you.

These above pictures on the other hand were taken when we went for a trip organized by UMNO. I happened to replace a place of a member who couldn't make it last minute. Therefore, I consider myself lucky because it's free that I don't have to pay even a penny. The first picture was taken on top of the Menara Taming Sari while the second picture was taken when I was on top of the Eye On Malaysia with mommy and my little sister. We went for boat-riding along Malacca River too but I didn't take any picture because I was just too busy listening to the explanation given by the tourist guide of the historical buildings that can be seen along the way and the experience is valuable; it made me proud to be Malaysian.

These are pictures of my friends (ehem) and I when we were out for movie trips (notice the "S". We just love watching movies. Movies that we find interesting jelah, of course, like Couples Retreat, The Princess and The Frog, and a lot more. Santau pun I layan haha. But Phobia 2 is the eeriest, spine-chilling movie for this year over. The ending was unexpected and fantastic I'd say.), out for sight-seeing the town, window shopping at the Jonker Walk, and of course while our coffee-break time. I wish not to put more pictures because I am not going to transform this blog into a photoblog. Lols.

Apart from those happy moments, I have experienced living without mommy (that practically made me an orphan. And disabled.) because she was away for a week the other day and yeay, (oh no!) I had to cook for my family! Guess what I'd prepared for them? The all-time-favorite that is of course my lovely Sambal! Everyday pun sambal. Sambal sotong, sambal udang, sambal ayam, sambal sardin, sambal telur that made my little brother and little sister felt so stressed out. But what do I do? That's the only food on earth I am capable (and ahem, expert. note the word people, mark the word.) to prepare. Well at least they didn't die out of hunger, no? Should I put pictures of food that I'd made? Yes? No? Better not to la kan. Hehs.

One more thing, I've cut my hair off, meaning that I have a super short hair cut. And the good thing is I am not blonde anymore and my parents are so relieved that the colored hair is gone now. Sobsob. I wish I could stand the pressure and the urge inside of me (syaitonirrojim neyh.) of getting my hair colored forever. Amin.

The result was officially announced last week and alhamdulillah, I've made it to practicum. I thought I'm going to fail a few subjects but I was so lucky that I didn't fail and manage to proceed to the next level. Last semester was the toughest semester of all, I would say, considering of the situations I've been in and through. And it's agreeable by my fellow third-year teslians that semester six is the hardest so far. Speaking of practicum, it takes my breath away to think of what might happen and how am I going to survive when teaching is not my passion. I still have the list of "Things that I fear from practicum" that my Classroom Management lecturer asked us to list it down with me and they are unfortunately still the things that I fear. I wonder how do I teach a language. It's not Science nor Maths, it's English Language for God's sake! It freaks me out even more to realize the fact that my future students are all beyond the critical period, meaning that the ability for them to absorb the language had decreased unless they are already proficient. And I got to know from one of my lectures that the ability and time of acquisition of each student are unique. Ahmad who is a form one student  might be able to learn and master Present Tense on January 15, while his classmate Ali will not master it on that day and Ali might possibly master it when he reaches fourteen. I forgot the name of the theory but yes, that's one of the theories that linguists proposed. How do I survive? How am I possibly teach each student with different topic accordingly if I were to consider the theory and how do I know who will be able to learn what topic at a specific time? I am dead meat, can't you see? And one more thing, we are still waiting for the list of school we are going to be posted to and it gives me goosebumps to think of where I might be sent off, be it a school where everyone speaks English all their life or a school where English is an alient language. And I don't drive, therefore, how am I going to get myself to school? I am a person with full of questions. Yours, till my questions answered.

[p/s: I am so excited that blogspot allows me to cross out words. I think it's a new application as I noticed at the above box. I feel so high-tech! And it's cool! Weehoo!]

Here and There, Coffee and Tea, You and Me. Oh I am so happy!

Hello beautiful and handsome. Starting dah bodek. Haha. I've seen this phrase somewhere, can't recall where somehow. So, how's everyone? I've just got back from a one-week course for my pre-practicum. It usually starts a week before we go for our practicum but this semester it started a little bit earlier, I don't know why, don't ask me. This course had given me a lot of inputs be it on the real scenarios at school as well as the profession itself. Teaching is a noble profession by all means, no doubt. However, teaching is still not a passion for me, as for now. Worse, I found it's kinda torturing me to know that I am to abide by the verdict of the profession saying that females are not allowed to wear pants to work and I know some might say "what's the problem then? just do not wear it! you're not gonna die, anyway." oh yes, of course I'm not gonna die but I have this one weird dream (or so some say) that I'd like to wear suit to work. I know I'm impossible, you don't have to repeat me. But hey, that's my dream, honestly, and my best cousin said that it's OK to have this kind of dreams. Well, I have an approval, at least. And I believe I have a right to dream for what I wanna wear, whom I wanna be with, etc. It's my life anyway.

I've been at home for one week now and the break is officially on since then. Throughout this one week, I've been busy catching up with friends and loved ones here in my hometown. I went out for almost everyday and I totally like it. It's good to be with people you love and people who love you back, enough said. So, the list goes now.

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  Watched 2012 on Friday,
  
  
  
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  A Christmas Carol on Sunday,
  
  
  
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  out for kueh udang on Monday I think, (ye ke? or Tuesday?)
  
  
  
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  Wednesday was our ranger day out, (We went out for lunch and spent time doing recreational activities like canoe-ing, cycling and paddle boat-ing though we didn' wear proper attire for such activities and it was enjoyable. I'll upload a picture of us that was taken before we departed home. More pictures will be uploaded later because it's with Mimi darling. *kalau rajin hahaha* I thought of creating a photoblog to keep all my photos saved, so if my computer breaks down or if any unwanted thing happens, I'm gonna have all of them saved here.) 
  
  
  

credit to ninie. n ira n udin too. adik-adik were entertaining. very. tq!

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  Thursday I stayed home, acted like a goodie-goodie person doing house chores (of course la because Friday's raya kan. cuma A and H jek yang nakal apakah kuar jalan-jalan balik rumah makan tiga jenis ayam. oppss did I say it out loud? Pardon me :-" )
  
  
  
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  Friday again I watched Ninja Assasin,  (Yes I know It's eid. This year was the first time ever that my family and I celebrated it at home because granny's admitted to the hospital and it was boring because not so much people left here. Balik kampung they off. So that evening I went out for movie and a cup of coffee together with my favorite toast and it really made my day of course. Tq darling for your company. Everytime pun it's your companion I have. Thank you Thank you Thank you.)
  
  
  
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  Saturday's supposedly meant for a  meeting-up session with friends for tea but had to cancel it due to a surprise visit for granny. Off to KL we went.
  
  
  
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  And just now we went out for coffee and I refused to further explain boleh kan? :P
  
  
  

You see, I have a beautiful life now. I refuse to think of all the stupid things that keep on bothering me. I want to retreat and rejuvenate myself. Toxics please stay away from me. Pretty please. To all the love in the world, thank you for keeping me accompanied. I really appreciate your existence :) Thank God to let me live happily up to this very moment. (despite all the bad deeds that I have done) Because my lecturer said it's hard to see people happy nowadays and he advised us not to ruin other's happiness, just let them be happy, and you go find yours. So, despite the downfall of the economy, global warming and all problems that interfered, I wish everyone happiness that long last.

A Comeback. For Good.

Heyya people. It's been soooooooo long that I have not posted anything in here. Now I am back! It's still the same old me, with the same old look, (but not that pathetic anymore, at least not for now lah kan. Eheh) the one who would always have bad luck to have the HONOR to see people in the next car next to her picking their noses and she swears to dear god that's sooooooo gross! Euww (Suddenly I remember about an incident last week when I was waiting for my burger at a stall nearby, I saw a man picking his nose and I was almost thrown up! Oh please, boleh tak pick nose dlm toilet sorang-sorang kalau nak? (oh,,and please jangan lupa cuci tangan kasi bersih.) Geli tahu tak?

Ok Ok I am off topic now. Truth is, I miss blogging to hell, I miss visiting my blog list, and now I am left far far behind, of you people's updates. Pardon me for being soooo into my studies *puke puke to infinity* haha. I have got a lot to tell, mind you, it's really a lot, but I am still in my examination week, but still I want to post on things, so no choice except to cut the stories into pieces la, to make it short. Hehs. Good news, I've got a new computer! My daddy cool bought it for me. And it was a surprise! Terima kasih abah! I went back to my hometown a few days before raya to find out that a new computer was ready to serve me. Cool, huh? Actually my brother had called me earlier la, telling me that daddy called him asking about computer bla bla bla and he told me not to be a drama queen, not to cry-out-of-happiness sort of things, you know, and I was like “whatever” because I thought he was just teasing me. He loves to tease me anyway. That's his number two hobby I suppose. Loser! Haha. And then everyone in the house started to claim that they had contributed in influencing daddy to buy the computer. But I guess mommy was the one, because she told daddy that I was crying over it day and night (oh-so-crazy la) because my little sister and little brother told her that I was really crying when they read my last post (oh-so-crazy-little siblings-i-have.) Anyways, I have got a new one now, and it saved me lotsa time! Thank god. Thank you abah. Thank you emak. Thank you everyone, for making my life sooo great. And my hari raya was fun too, as always.

I headed a very hectic life this semester. I got the chance to do observation in school and it was enjoyable. Poorly, teaching still is not a passion for me, but I think I can cope with the students (at least with those I observed) because I saw my brother and sister in them. OK, I am being quite irrelevant here as my team mates said, but they were all young and funny and cute and entertaining to me. I wish I am going to have funny-but-brilliant students when I do my practicum next semester. I wish. Would you like to see my wish list for practicum? Oh surely not because I can guarantee you that would be deadly boring. Yawn.

This semester too, I did learn from my mistakes about life. The more I think of life, the more I understand that life is not that bad. It's just how you want to live it. And I think life is all about making choices. It's all about to be or not to be. It's all about to do or not to do. It's all about you and the options your have. And the choices are all yours. And I have decided on major things in my life. I want to be happy. And I am not going to look back anymore, it's final. All these while I have been wasting my time on wrong persons, wrong things, wrong paths. Now that I realized about it, I don't want to get wasted anymore. Thank god for making me realize. I actually have given it several thoughts before I jumped into decision-making. And I pray to god that all the decisions I made were the best for me. And for you, too. Like I always said, I don't want to waste my time on cheap men and rough wine. That's my favorite quote all my life. I know I sounded like "macam-bagus-sangat" but if you know me well, then you would understand why. I am just being me.

Ok now I sound old and boring. Boo. Guess what sexy people, I went out for a concert last Saturday and it was cool because we got The All American Rejects to perform! And you know that's one of my favorite band, don't you? And I bet everybody knows how cool they are, right? So, where do I start? It was raining, you can see there were raindrops on my tudung. We arrived there a bit late that day, therefore we had to line up for an hour I think but still we managed to fake smiles. I'm putting pictures as proof. Hehs. Oh I wanna I wanna I wanna touch you, you wanna touch me too is an addiction la. Swing swing swing from the tangles of my heart is crushed by a former love is my all-time-favorite. So does dirty little secret. and move along. and it ends tonight. and straightjacket feeling. and gives you hell. God, they rock, I just love their music! And Tyson too. Though he's kinda weird as all can see. Eheh. Overall, the concert was fine. Hell G-R-E-A-T I mean! :P But deep inside me, I was feeling guilty actually, I was thinking of lotsa things and partly because my aunt, uncle and cousin are doing ibadah in makkah and here I am attending a concert? Like “what?” But bagi chance la dekat I kan, once in a while to go out and have fun. Kan? Hehs.

Ok it's three in the morning and I think I have to stop now. In short, my life went well up to this very moment. Though I fucked up in my micro teachings, though I did not do well in my assignments, though I did not manage to answer my exams, though I broke hearts, I am still glad that now I have people in my life who would love me just for what I am. I am not the best student, neither I am a rich girl, nor a pretty one, I admit it, but I am having all the love in the world with me now that I don't have to impress nor convince anyone that I am a super great person to reserve me the right to be loved and I am thankful enough for that. Thank you.


[you can click on the image to get a larger image you know? And I just knew it and I think I was such a pain in the ass! oppss. please God stop my swearing habit. haha. poor me la. and one more thing. it's so amazing to discover that my-little-year-three-cousin has a facebook account. so do my other little cousins. and they were interacting with each other like adults did! they were engaging themselves with things i have never heard of in my entire 23 years of life and wow, i think that's fast and pretty cool, even i couldn't catch up so well with technology . or maybe i was just too slow and not cool? ouh the torture of technology. ]


[p/s: was it really long i have not logged in, long enough sampai banyak features dalam blogspot ni dah berubah? and i'm kinda lost here. how do i put colors to my words? how do i change the alignment? how do i choose the font? help! help!]

Dugaan Bulan Ramadhan

7.15 p.m.

It's raining heavily outside. I have got absolutely nothing to eat. My computer is not functioning and I can't afford to buy a new one and nobody seems to care. Bagi sikit simpati pun dah cukup, I am not asking for more. I am emotionally abused. I have got nobody to go to, nobody to talk to, and absolutely nobody cares about me, not even the person that used to be sooo in love with me. That includes Andres as well. I don't get a single message through my phone and I think I'm going to throw them away soon, very soon, no kidding. I have got fuckload of assignments to be done, together with the tests, not to mention the presentations and those are torturing enough. I have got snobbish classmates who downgraded my friend and I and the humiliation was unbearable. [To the snobbish classmates, though you are among the dean's list students, that does not reserve you the right to underestimate other people. Orang lain pun dapat dean's list jugak, tapi tak berlagak pun macam kau. Nanti kalau tiba-tiba tuhan tarik balik nikmat bijak yang Dia bagi kat kau, baru kau tahu. Bila kami tanya kau face to face, kau buat-buat baik pulak. You suck million times, I am telling you now, bitch. You've lost my respect. I have failed the test by saying this in the month of Ramadhan, I know.] I simply had lost my patience and my sanity. I lost my appetite too, I hardly eat these days. I am in tense, I don't get enough sleep, stupid pimples keep growing on and on and on and it's painful, dark circles are now visible, I am feeling under the weather; having flu and cough and mild fever and people keep on giving me hard times. I am sick and tired of all these. Now that I wish I could vanish just like that. Tuhan tolong ampunkan Syahirah. But these are too much.

Home Sweet Home

Holla everyone! I'm home! Yeay! It feels soooooooo good to be home. I have got a lot to tell but I am extremely sleepy now :( So good night. And do not forget to recite your niat. Happy fasting everyone :)

Very Quick Update

Heyya. U know what, I forgot my password! Ah-ha! No kidding! I was visiting my blog list and commenting on a few posts. To enable myself to comment, I am required to login and there I stumbled, desperately trying to recall my average-long password. I have to sit back and relax, only after a while I could remember it. Betapalah lamanya tak sign in. Haha. I'd love to blog, I'd love to read other's blogs but I hardly get the chance to online for blogging purpose. I realized that my life is fully occupied with tons of assignments now. I have very limited time to socialize. Kesian kan? So friends, janganlah kecil hati kalau lama saya tak melawat blog kamu ya. It's not that I forget or not interested in reading yours. Bukan. If I have free time, I will surely go and visit, promise.

[p/s: It's such a lonely day. Oh I hate this part. Isk.]

Of The Happy Moments

Hello everyone. It’s been a while since I last wrote in this blog. I think I have lost my flow of writing now and the thought of it is terrifying me. Neither I am implying that I have a flawless writing skill but at least I was able to sit and write out sensible thoughts (and sometimes my insane thoughts upon things too) before. I wanted to make a few posts earlier sharing my experience getting back to school but I was facing problem with the connection that has made me to wait like a week. Once it was fixed, another problem turned up, affecting my computer and until now it’s not fully fixed. Shit happens you see.

And now it’s already the third week of schooling. The classes are all OK. Though there are not so many students inside the class I am in now because there are a lot of rumors (obviously of the bad things) spreading about the lecturers whose teaching my class but I am so much engaged to my classes now because I have got to get more attention and I am pretty sure that the lecturers would remember my name by the end of the semester. I personally think that it is quite unfair to judge the lecturers when you have not even met them yet, to claim them to have certain manner merely based on people’s talking. Please do not get offended, this is just my personal opinion. This is my way of seeing things, as always. I would rather be in the class first, only then I would not feel guilty to rank them to be either nice or monstrous. And my judgment is subject to change from time to time depending on the treatment I am getting from them. Yes, I am difficult. Have not I told this earlier? But so far, the lecturers are all OK I would say. In fact, I have started to favor a few lecturers as they are all young and talented and knowledgeable and beautiful and they have the qualities that make them to be an effective lecturer. (Except for this one lady, it’s quite true that she’s some sort of strict and scary. Haha.)

I don’t want to give emphasis on the dark sides of happenings in my life. Yes there were several things that I don’t expect would turn to be like that but it turned out to be like that, and I could do nothing to fix it because there’s no way out of it, and I think it’s going to stay that way, no regret. I would rather put the memorable moments here. So far, I am coping quite well with studies. No doubt I have fuckload of assignments that have to be done in short time, I am done with two presentations, I am submitting one assignment as I write this and I am getting a foreign lecturer who has a beautiful British accent that makes me feel like studying abroad, being friends with Kate Nash (hey I love her songs and her accent. But it’s kind of hard to make the accent into practice as I had mentioned before) to replace my lecturer who went missing (hahaha) for maternity leave and she will only be back in September. Hahaha.

I have had a lot of fun too. My friends and I went to Genting Highlands and we got the chance to stay there one night. Thanks to Rain and Zul for the hotel treat. It was my second time to be there and my friends were being crazy pushing me to try almost all games there and I screamed as if I was going to die when I got onto that Cyclone and a few other games and it was fun. I have taken the chance to try go-cart-ing too and I was the last person to reach the final lap and I think it’s still impressive considering the fact that I have stopped driving like five years now. And should I add that I like the weather there. I think I really need to be abroad now. Everybody can dream as they say, right? Hahaha. Here I am going to include some pictures that were taken there. I also got my cousin accompanied to her friend’s wedding and I was dying to see her house is equipped with elevator. The family is so rich obviously. They got the Upin and Ipin mascot too because the father is the owner of that particular company. Cool, don’t you think? I also went out with my roommate and Andres some day around and both outings were great. Andres brought me to a place I have never been before and treated me nicely as always. We always try new things when we get together and that’s what I like about being with Andres. Thank you.

I think I’d better get going for my Human and Development class at 4.00 p.m. My aunt asked me to do her a favor by helping her to sell her baju kebaya that she bought in Jakarta and I think I am going to put the pictures of those kebayas here just in case you are interested in buying. The materials are very good and up-to-date and the price is affordable. I’ll put that later OK because I am running out of time now. Till then. Have a good day, people.